i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
