is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
