Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
