I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
