just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
