is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
