Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
