Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
