We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
