She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
