Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
