So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
