i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
