Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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