batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
