sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
