I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
