went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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