ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
