Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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