This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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