I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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