you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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