I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
