i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
