My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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