you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
