just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ketchup is God's man juice
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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