No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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