so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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