holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
