the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
