You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
