I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I am naked and annoyed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
