I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
