i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
