Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
