My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
