Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
