i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
