If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
