I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
