You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
