So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Operation Purity has been aborted
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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