I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
