Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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