His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
