im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
