lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
