I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
