Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
