He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
