ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
