It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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