Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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