I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
