Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
