I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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