I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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