weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
