I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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