I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?