I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are