does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?