i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
