there's paper in my vomit.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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