Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
