someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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