we have pet lesbian snakes
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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