he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
