turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
