I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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