Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
