my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
