I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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