I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
