I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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