The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
