i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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