I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
