It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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